Exercise: ResoluteWhen asked to reflect on yourself, how truthful are you? How honest are we with ourselves about ourselves? Of course it's easy as 1-2-3 to find our presumed positive attributes. Likewise, we can probably list our goals and determinations.
But is it a struggle to highlight the things that need changing? If you're like me, then the answer is yes. But why is that? It's not like speaking on blemishes means we're bad or full of mistakes. It shouldn't make us feel like less of a person or perfection, despite the irony in that statement. Change is good. Change is inevitable. Growth is vital. Growth is love.
True love grows with you and forces you to face the good and the bad, while in it's security. One of the most transforming, healthy, and self-serving things we can do for ourselves is to grow, and do it realistically. Do it from the core. Not the superficial things that need changing like "I'm not punctual" or "I have a temper". But we need to dig and really ask and find out why we are the way we are.
Why do I have a short-fuse or temper? What am I instinctively protecting myself from? And why am I afraid? (ergo the need to protect). What do I compensate for when I act a certain way? What's my root inferiority complex?
Ok, let's get real. Change doesn't happen overnight. And self inspection damn sure doesn't happen easily. Hopefully you guys can take some of this food for thought and questions into the new year and let it blossom within you how, where, and when you need it to. I leave you with this exercise when your ready however:
*Grab pen & paper* (somethings look/flow better on hard-copy) Make a list reflecting on you. For each category do it for yourself in the year 2010 and for yourself overall/thru the years.
1) 7-10 positives
2) 7-10 negatives
3) 7-10 misconceptions (self and/or perceived from others)
4) 7-10 discoveries
5) 7-10 secrets/barriers
Bonus: The one thing you would ideally change and the one thing you will change.
1) 7-10 positives
2) 7-10 negatives
3) 7-10 misconceptions (self and/or perceived from others)
4) 7-10 discoveries
5) 7-10 secrets/barriers
Bonus: The one thing you would ideally change and the one thing you will change.
Lesson: look back on the things you wrote. Do any overlap between one year and your lifetime? Take the time to understand why do are or perceive yourself as any of things (positives or negatives). Take the time to truly figure you out and let that guide you through inevitable evolution.
I did this with a friend in 2005 and we exchanged lists and expanded on our thoughts on each other. What we agreed on, would add, felt the other left-out/overlooked, and how what one perceives as a negative or misconception, may not be so negative or exist at all :-). Overall, it was a great conversation piece and 5+ years later as I share it with you all (below), reading it feels so refreshing and retrospective. I hope you have as much fun with this food for thought and let it carry you into a prosperous new year and new you.
I love you all.
Happy New Year!
Cheers,
Noel.
~My List~ (circa 2005)
1) dependable, laid-back/not high strung, nurturing/caring, under the surface (like not taking things for face value and able to read things/people), not naive or easily swayed, inquisitive, eclectic, hungry for more/depth, think before i leap, well rounded, mature2) pessimistic, put others first (don't take care of myself like I should), stubborn, good at putting up fronts, lie easily (when really insecure and cornered), indecisive, can't let go/unforgiving, hold grudges, insecure/self-conscious, & i want more out of people but not for myself (<-- hypocrite?)
3) a follower, shallow, self-absorbed, too expectant, judgmental, close-minded, bossy/must be heard, belittling, goody-goody, pushover, suck up
4) don't hold enough expectations, still have scattered dreams/goals (like I see my career but am not 100% sure of anything or excited), might be settling in lots of aspects of my life, can't open up when I want or feel safe enough to, not afraid to be vulnerable just there's a glitch in the system, try to be "bulletproof" & ACT like I can't be bothered (so am i really laid-back/carefree?), can be a hypocrite, can be a hothead & not think, hard time with closure (question things to the point of insanity/no reason), look for ulterior motives in every little thing, & I might love attention (not sure yet)
5) I don't think i will ever trust people (especially men) 100% and am afraid I'll never experience complete disclosure. Sometimes my "paranoia" and insecurity make it hard to have real fun or really let go. I don't want to be stiff or the lady with 27 cats lol. As far as secrets...ummm...yea *rain check*
Bonus: I would change my need to be humorous as a defense mechanism/my shifty-eyes while speaking. I will change how I feel about myself. Tackling insecurities from the inside will help the shifty-eyes/defense on the outside.
