Naked (Tulliv)
when will the fantasy end--
safety in darkness.
see what i see.
your skin.
feel free
hello?
NO!
it? ...
see that i see.
shed bandages.
naked beauty.
what you feared
was no longer.
but now
fly free.
it.
fantasy
To Live.
come with me
it?..yes.
you mean? remove coverings
shed with me.
security blanketssafety in darkness.
open your eyes.
the nightmare--no
yes.no.
--begin.beauty in skin.
in sweat.
scars.in sweat.
signs of life.
ugly.beauty in life.
living, not life.
death
yes!no!
yes...strength in survival
what worries you?
hello?
being alive.a feeling desired?
living, not life.beauty in life.
feeling alive
noyes
in this bodyyes
uglyyes
NO!
tell me your fantasy
it!you mean?
come with me.away?
end--will you open your eyes?
it.see what i see?
after, yes.yes?
beauty in skin
in shedding.yes!
flying away.yes!
setting freeyes!
come with meopen your eyes.
hello?
see what i see.
your skin.
feel free
hello?
NO!
it? ...
see that i see.
shed bandages.
naked beauty.
what you feared
was no longer.
but now
fly free.
it.
fantasy
To Live.
Tulliv.
12/02/2010
12/02/2010
Exercise 1.0: Fulfillment
All humans have [similar] emotional needs. Needs they need to be fulfilled. When these are met we feel __(insert emotion)__. And when they're not satisfied, we feel __(insert emotion)__.
Some human needs (no particular order):
- to feel accepted & loved by God
- to feel love unconditionally by at least a few
- to get recognition for accomplishments
- to be touched or hugged [affectionately]
- to be encouraged [to do your best]
- to be listened to, understood, AND heard
- to feel supported [esp. when weak, hurt, vulnerable]
- to be praised/rewarded for efforts to do right
- to be treated with respect
- to be forgiven [when wrong]
- to trust/be trusted
- to feel accepted [even with faults or shortcomings]
- to have "talent" that builds self-esteem
- to be treated fairly and given opportunity [to succeed]
- to feel attractive
Too often, we rely on others or life's circumstances to get these needs met and we are disappointed. Stop denying your own capabilities. Get your needs met by doing something constructive to help yourself take charge of the satisfaction of your own needs.
exercise 1.0: unmet need? --> steps you can take to fulfill? ---> target date ---> READY.SET.GO
Oh Me, Oh My... [damned insecurities]
Who am I? Where am I?
more importantly.........WHY am I?
Like anyone, I find myself asking "i" these questions. But they are coming to mind more frequently lately.
Let's start at the beginning (of this last "self-evaluation"). My partner asked me some time ago "when do I ever feel pretty?"...told me some time ago I would "make a great [spouse]"...and just last night, "do you know you're beautiful?"
I think everyone has suffered from the "don't ask don't tell"/"don't acknowledge the elephant [til it acknowledges you]" improper way of 'dealing'. And now I'm being asked, what I didn't feel I was ready to tell/acknowledge. Those questions made me realize either my insecurities are becoming more evident or that my partner [as love grows will yield] is paying more attention...or both. To you all I'm sure these questions/statements made your heart warm and think "that's so sweet". To me....I was uncomfortable [as hell]. And I did what I do best, make a joke or taint the seriousness of my response with humor. AHA---a defense mechanism, I (and maybe you all) know too well.
Normally, I feel safe in my defense mechanism. It gets me away from continuing a serious topic in a serious tone, if not completely deviating the conversation. But today, I spent the day distracted and worried about how I was coming off to my partner. Am I seeming to be a less secure, less empowered, challenge? Am I radiating a sense of self-doubt and unhappiness? Did my lack of response or reciprocal praise lead to doubt in my partner about my feelings/their worth to me?
I found the blessing in having finally been concerned with what I thought was a great defense mechanism in the past. I found how much my heart and mind were in love and did not want to lose my relationship. I found myself finally breaking down my walls so that I can love myself in order to be loved. Yay!
Sadly, I also found the curse. Realized how worried I was that this is beginning to feel like an "experimental" relationship. The more I disclosed and searched and learned of myself, the less stable I felt about "who I am" and what I could bring to the relationship. The more chance it has of having various outcomes, some if not most out of my control. ME? lose control? [AW HELL NO!]... Yes, it's great to learn, but at what cost. As my walls come down, I feel uncomfortably vulnerable/open/unknowing in my relationship. Yes, I hear ya...love is about being vulnerable. But love is also about being comfortable in your own skin. And right now, I am not...
Ok, I am taking this blog in so many directions so I will try to bring it back. All in all what I am focusing on today is how much of my laughter is "youth"/"pure happiness" and how much is a "don't REALLY look at me" mask to hide imperfections/deny myself emotions. WHEW that last is a doozy. Because... I automatically equate emotions to --> vulnerability to --> expectations/investment to --> disappointments/tragedy. whoa. *exhale* but how sad is that?
Anyhoo, I'm only human and can deal with things (truly) one at a time. Right now I am focusing on the deny myself emotions and investments thought process. I think, and am pretty sure, I do this because I have never known any true joy in the past. Happiness is one thing and, to me, circumstantial. JOY is permanent/unmovable/within you always (even when we're sad). So, because I've never known true joy, I've rationalized it doesn't exist. And the people that walk around trying to flaunt it are just mistaken. They are just exceptionally happy at that moment and time. And they don't know that cloud may and will be taken from them at any point in time, leaving them to mourn and feel deep-rooted sadness. AHA--we have a breakthrough. I play it safe, by not taking risks. I avoid pain/sadness/ugliness, by not expecting or trying to be happy/beautiful. I would rather not invest in any emotion, because like any investment it can expand or it can decline. That loss of control (ah, we hit this again) on such stakes, seems pointless and foolish to me. And I'd rather not take part.
Well guess what self...you're in a damn relationship now...you best learn to take part...or try... You better think of yourself in the [spouse] spotlight with potential to be a damned good one, because someday someone will want/see you there. Self, I hope you see yourself there too. You better know your external beauty as well as your internal, vice versa. And self, pleaseeee...I beg you, learn to let yourself feel the emotions your expressing. This incongruity dance you got me and you doing, is not beneficial. We have to feel things...real things...to know them. We have to invest to truly learn. And frankly, I had your back in the past and loved "saving face"...but these days all these barriers are letting less and less sunshine come through. And you and I deserve to feel/see it. I rather know this love I'm feeling for real for as long as I can than to have missed out. You'd better hop on board. :-)
I think that's a good place to leave it. Anybody else struggle with any of these issues? Anybody else writing letters to self?...hope you'll share so my madness doesn't seem so mad...so that you can purge somethings too...if anything, hope you got something out this about yourself or someone else close to you...YES I'LL SHUTUP [for now].
~bye >_<
more importantly.........WHY am I?
Like anyone, I find myself asking "i" these questions. But they are coming to mind more frequently lately.
Let's start at the beginning (of this last "self-evaluation"). My partner asked me some time ago "when do I ever feel pretty?"...told me some time ago I would "make a great [spouse]"...and just last night, "do you know you're beautiful?"
I think everyone has suffered from the "don't ask don't tell"/"don't acknowledge the elephant [til it acknowledges you]" improper way of 'dealing'. And now I'm being asked, what I didn't feel I was ready to tell/acknowledge. Those questions made me realize either my insecurities are becoming more evident or that my partner [as love grows will yield] is paying more attention...or both. To you all I'm sure these questions/statements made your heart warm and think "that's so sweet". To me....I was uncomfortable [as hell]. And I did what I do best, make a joke or taint the seriousness of my response with humor. AHA---a defense mechanism, I (and maybe you all) know too well.
Normally, I feel safe in my defense mechanism. It gets me away from continuing a serious topic in a serious tone, if not completely deviating the conversation. But today, I spent the day distracted and worried about how I was coming off to my partner. Am I seeming to be a less secure, less empowered, challenge? Am I radiating a sense of self-doubt and unhappiness? Did my lack of response or reciprocal praise lead to doubt in my partner about my feelings/their worth to me?
I found the blessing in having finally been concerned with what I thought was a great defense mechanism in the past. I found how much my heart and mind were in love and did not want to lose my relationship. I found myself finally breaking down my walls so that I can love myself in order to be loved. Yay!
Sadly, I also found the curse. Realized how worried I was that this is beginning to feel like an "experimental" relationship. The more I disclosed and searched and learned of myself, the less stable I felt about "who I am" and what I could bring to the relationship. The more chance it has of having various outcomes, some if not most out of my control. ME? lose control? [AW HELL NO!]... Yes, it's great to learn, but at what cost. As my walls come down, I feel uncomfortably vulnerable/open/unknowing in my relationship. Yes, I hear ya...love is about being vulnerable. But love is also about being comfortable in your own skin. And right now, I am not...
Ok, I am taking this blog in so many directions so I will try to bring it back. All in all what I am focusing on today is how much of my laughter is "youth"/"pure happiness" and how much is a "don't REALLY look at me" mask to hide imperfections/deny myself emotions. WHEW that last is a doozy. Because... I automatically equate emotions to --> vulnerability to --> expectations/investment to --> disappointments/tragedy. whoa. *exhale* but how sad is that?
Anyhoo, I'm only human and can deal with things (truly) one at a time. Right now I am focusing on the deny myself emotions and investments thought process. I think, and am pretty sure, I do this because I have never known any true joy in the past. Happiness is one thing and, to me, circumstantial. JOY is permanent/unmovable/within you always (even when we're sad). So, because I've never known true joy, I've rationalized it doesn't exist. And the people that walk around trying to flaunt it are just mistaken. They are just exceptionally happy at that moment and time. And they don't know that cloud may and will be taken from them at any point in time, leaving them to mourn and feel deep-rooted sadness. AHA--we have a breakthrough. I play it safe, by not taking risks. I avoid pain/sadness/ugliness, by not expecting or trying to be happy/beautiful. I would rather not invest in any emotion, because like any investment it can expand or it can decline. That loss of control (ah, we hit this again) on such stakes, seems pointless and foolish to me. And I'd rather not take part.
Well guess what self...you're in a damn relationship now...you best learn to take part...or try... You better think of yourself in the [spouse] spotlight with potential to be a damned good one, because someday someone will want/see you there. Self, I hope you see yourself there too. You better know your external beauty as well as your internal, vice versa. And self, pleaseeee...I beg you, learn to let yourself feel the emotions your expressing. This incongruity dance you got me and you doing, is not beneficial. We have to feel things...real things...to know them. We have to invest to truly learn. And frankly, I had your back in the past and loved "saving face"...but these days all these barriers are letting less and less sunshine come through. And you and I deserve to feel/see it. I rather know this love I'm feeling for real for as long as I can than to have missed out. You'd better hop on board. :-)
I think that's a good place to leave it. Anybody else struggle with any of these issues? Anybody else writing letters to self?...hope you'll share so my madness doesn't seem so mad...so that you can purge somethings too...if anything, hope you got something out this about yourself or someone else close to you...YES I'LL SHUTUP [for now].
~bye >_<
[[ARTIST SPOTLIGHT]]- Hope Taylor
Hope Taylor-McGriff is an author, mentor, mother, educator, and survivor.
I have had the pleasure of knowing Hope for 12years. Recently I have praised her more than ever for her strength, radiating hope, and mentorship. You can look her up, she published Overflow and To The Tune of Hope in the early 90's. While recently reading one of her poems featured in Overflow, I got this sudden urge to want to sing. Then I had the strongest, clearest vision of how I would depict the poem as a dialogue on stage. Needless to say, I feel the need to share...so drum roll please :-)...:
Let Freedom Ring [excerpt from Overflow]
by Hope Taylor-McGriff
My country 'tis of thee
Lady can you spare some change?
I haven't eaten in two days.
Sweet Land of Liberty
I left my legs over in the Nam
right beside my best friend.
Of thee I sing
Mister, just a quarter--
I've got a wife and four small kids,
the baby's got the flu.
Land where my father's died
I used to have a farm;
grew red ripe tomatoes.
Land of the pilgrims' pride
and golden, sun-kissed corn.
From every mountainside
Bulletin: an unidentified man was found dead this
morning in a downtown storefront doorway.
The apparent cause of death?
overexposure to underliving.
Let freedom ring!
SOAPBOX: --> more Hope praise --> http://mylife-noeltulliv.blogspot.com/2010/03/to-hope.html
05.07.10____Noel Tulliv
I have had the pleasure of knowing Hope for 12years. Recently I have praised her more than ever for her strength, radiating hope, and mentorship. You can look her up, she published Overflow and To The Tune of Hope in the early 90's. While recently reading one of her poems featured in Overflow, I got this sudden urge to want to sing. Then I had the strongest, clearest vision of how I would depict the poem as a dialogue on stage. Needless to say, I feel the need to share...so drum roll please :-)...:
Let Freedom Ring [excerpt from Overflow]
by Hope Taylor-McGriff
My country 'tis of thee
Lady can you spare some change?
I haven't eaten in two days.
Sweet Land of Liberty
I left my legs over in the Nam
right beside my best friend.
Of thee I sing
Mister, just a quarter--
I've got a wife and four small kids,
the baby's got the flu.
Land where my father's died
I used to have a farm;
grew red ripe tomatoes.
Land of the pilgrims' pride
and golden, sun-kissed corn.
From every mountainside
Bulletin: an unidentified man was found dead this
morning in a downtown storefront doorway.
The apparent cause of death?
overexposure to underliving.
Let freedom ring!
SOAPBOX: --> more Hope praise --> http://mylife-noeltulliv.blogspot.com/2010/03/to-hope.html
05.07.10____Noel Tulliv
No apologies...
True love has no residuals.
The shelter once provided,
Founded the home self soon built.
The fulfilling solace
Experienced in duo,
Revived the contentment
That could exist to know self...
To be alone with self.
The flickering flame
the won't die,
can't.
Our fires different as time travel
Still immerse in the same want...
...love.
For self,
another,
a past.
Lit from the igniting memories,
Sustained by fight.
There could never be need for regret.
What wasn't everlasting,
was ever lesson.
Take a torch
and create new shelter.
My love has your back.
<3 NT.
04/20/10
The shelter once provided,
Founded the home self soon built.
The fulfilling solace
Experienced in duo,
Revived the contentment
That could exist to know self...
To be alone with self.
The flickering flame
the won't die,
can't.
Our fires different as time travel
Still immerse in the same want...
...love.
For self,
another,
a past.
Lit from the igniting memories,
Sustained by fight.
There could never be need for regret.
What wasn't everlasting,
was ever lesson.
Take a torch
and create new shelter.
My love has your back.
<3 NT.
04/20/10
From the Life Doctor himself...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX-wQlTSD9Y
The key to life is to love...to open our hearts- Noel ;-)
From Dr. Nesta himself:
"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."- Bob Marley
The key to life is to love...to open our hearts- Noel ;-)
From Dr. Nesta himself:
"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."- Bob Marley
Cotton... {a blog/short story/something ?}
Touch > Feel
Feel > Touch
Touch = Feel ??
All these years I've a hard time remembering the five human senses. I always count too many. Then I am told "feel" is not one. It's just touch. I've always thought that touching something and feeling a reciprocal energy from it were separate sensations. I could be wrong and the traditional senses could really just stop at see-smell-hear-taste-touch (?? I get it right this time ?? :-) lol). But whenever I hear the cotton commercial chanting "the touch. the feel", I begin my theories on their separateness yet again.
So I journeyed to touch things. Albeit quick, lingered, hard, or soft, I'm going to touch it. And you. And so I learned that there is a "feeling" with every touch. A change in texture, etcetera etcetera. But still: feel also stands alone, as a separate sense, in my opinion. I equated feel to connection. To a change in energy. To an emotion, which that it is, that is SENSED.
I say this because I did not understand this fully until I fell in...intimacy, I should say. Touching and wondering about your partner leaves room for the imagination to run. Room for detachment from the object that is Him/Her. But my fellow lovers, it is almost impossible to feel your partner and remain uninvolved. To remain a separate oneness. When you feel, and I mean feel...well it becomes a feeling you refuse to let go, let lessen, let be shared outside your connection. A feeling that is only meant to grow until it exhausts its potential. A feeling that is sensed harder than any traditional sense Man tries to sell us. So leave it to me and I'll tell: I've got six senses, my good love, and when I put that sixth one on you, you'll feel how it feels to fall in...intimacy, I should say.
*don't mind my wandering thoughts. just come with me*
;-) Noel.
4-10-10
Feel > Touch
Touch = Feel ??
All these years I've a hard time remembering the five human senses. I always count too many. Then I am told "feel" is not one. It's just touch. I've always thought that touching something and feeling a reciprocal energy from it were separate sensations. I could be wrong and the traditional senses could really just stop at see-smell-hear-taste-touch (?? I get it right this time ?? :-) lol). But whenever I hear the cotton commercial chanting "the touch. the feel", I begin my theories on their separateness yet again.
So I journeyed to touch things. Albeit quick, lingered, hard, or soft, I'm going to touch it. And you. And so I learned that there is a "feeling" with every touch. A change in texture, etcetera etcetera. But still: feel also stands alone, as a separate sense, in my opinion. I equated feel to connection. To a change in energy. To an emotion, which that it is, that is SENSED.
I say this because I did not understand this fully until I fell in...intimacy, I should say. Touching and wondering about your partner leaves room for the imagination to run. Room for detachment from the object that is Him/Her. But my fellow lovers, it is almost impossible to feel your partner and remain uninvolved. To remain a separate oneness. When you feel, and I mean feel...well it becomes a feeling you refuse to let go, let lessen, let be shared outside your connection. A feeling that is only meant to grow until it exhausts its potential. A feeling that is sensed harder than any traditional sense Man tries to sell us. So leave it to me and I'll tell: I've got six senses, my good love, and when I put that sixth one on you, you'll feel how it feels to fall in...intimacy, I should say.
*don't mind my wandering thoughts. just come with me*
;-) Noel.
4-10-10
The Chosen (reflections days later)
>> #listening to "The Chosen"- Me'Shell Ndegeocello & Company <<
When I touch myself
I see your reflection.
In an internal mirror
that prompts me to speak.
Instead I feel your full disclosure.
So I listen.
And hear your cries,
your worries...
most concerning,
I hear your excitement.
When I taste myself
I see your erection.
Risen in me
silencing spoken words of doubt,
of hesitancy.
Til I feel my desire.
So I listen.
I hear my heart,
my bounding pulse...
most denied,
my heaviness for you.
When I smell the intangible.
I see you..
All in all.
When I humanly sense,
mine human nature
senses you...
[The Chosen]
04/10/10
... <3 Noel
When I touch myself
I see your reflection.
In an internal mirror
that prompts me to speak.
Instead I feel your full disclosure.
So I listen.
And hear your cries,
your worries...
most concerning,
I hear your excitement.
When I taste myself
I see your erection.
Risen in me
silencing spoken words of doubt,
of hesitancy.
Til I feel my desire.
So I listen.
I hear my heart,
my bounding pulse...
most denied,
my heaviness for you.
When I smell the intangible.
I see you..
All in all.
When I humanly sense,
mine human nature
senses you...
[The Chosen]
04/10/10
... <3 Noel
The Chosen (the drive back)
>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INIaoRRKjLE <<
lay me a heaven
and let me lie there.
be my refuge.
speak no words,
so that i can hear the silence
...between our cries.
a silence that speaks of a
love untouched.
no sir, i should say
untainted-
with each anew.
lay me a rebirth.
a re-understanding
of what wasn't
until i came to you
you explored in me
and we
now us
...came with each other
04.06.10
~NT~
lay me a heaven
and let me lie there.
be my refuge.
speak no words,
so that i can hear the silence
...between our cries.
a silence that speaks of a
love untouched.
no sir, i should say
untainted-
with each anew.
lay me a rebirth.
a re-understanding
of what wasn't
until i came to you
you explored in me
and we
now us
...came with each other
04.06.10
~NT~
Little Italy...
I don't know how the cookies crumble, but they will.
Nor when time passes, though it shall.
And should you ask if comes a light,
I'll thread not the unknown.
...And all I could do, was listen.
~N.Tulliv. March 21, 2010~
Nor when time passes, though it shall.
And should you ask if comes a light,
I'll thread not the unknown.
...And all I could do, was listen.
~N.Tulliv. March 21, 2010~
Untitled (Morning After)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egd5TRHlsr0 ...............o_0
Skin
So soft.
Sunset eyes softer.
Essence
Brought out.
Not during fornication.
Within live penetration.
Of each slow yet piercing breath.
Restrain.
Gaze deeper.
Hug closer.
Whisper louder.
Move slower.
Detach each finger.
Graze ten paths.
Feel.
Separate oneness.
Owned nirvana.
Mount.
Discover skin.
With lips.
Blank canvas.
Create freckles.
Via kiss.
Make apparent.
Previously missed.
Mirror.
Show chills.
Pulsed thru soul.
Trace spine.
Love.
Redefine the never known.
Wake.
To stranger.
Constant surprise daily.
Stare differently.
Each morning.
Yearning to learn nightly.
Til understood.
How it may feel.
Repeat.
And so on.
And so on.
~NT~
(c) 03.07.2010.
Skin
So soft.
Sunset eyes softer.
Essence
Brought out.
Not during fornication.
Within live penetration.
Of each slow yet piercing breath.
Restrain.
Gaze deeper.
Hug closer.
Whisper louder.
Move slower.
Detach each finger.
Graze ten paths.
Feel.
Separate oneness.
Owned nirvana.
Mount.
Discover skin.
With lips.
Blank canvas.
Create freckles.
Via kiss.
Make apparent.
Previously missed.
Mirror.
Show chills.
Pulsed thru soul.
Trace spine.
Love.
Redefine the never known.
Wake.
To stranger.
Constant surprise daily.
Stare differently.
Each morning.
Yearning to learn nightly.
Til understood.
How it may feel.
Repeat.
And so on.
And so on.
~NT~
(c) 03.07.2010.
Bookmark...
And everytime opened up,
there words were.
Couldn't press forward
to turn the page.
Most feasible
was to flip thru previous words
spoken and un...
Ventured not
toward embrace to be held.
In fear of lingering
at private sheets.
Shaken heads in affirmation
at such sights.
Without embrace,
binding never existed.
Without embrace,
neglected souls became
covered in dust...
Hoped not
to receive inquiry about the other side.
For where propped open,
is where prompted to be.
Needed to read.
For this chapter
t'was not finished learning...
~NT
(c) 03-06-10
there words were.
Couldn't press forward
to turn the page.
Most feasible
was to flip thru previous words
spoken and un...
Ventured not
toward embrace to be held.
In fear of lingering
at private sheets.
Shaken heads in affirmation
at such sights.
Without embrace,
binding never existed.
Without embrace,
neglected souls became
covered in dust...
Hoped not
to receive inquiry about the other side.
For where propped open,
is where prompted to be.
Needed to read.
For this chapter
t'was not finished learning...
~NT
(c) 03-06-10
...spot holder...(lol)
[[[this is where "CheckMate" was...]]]....it'll return one of these days
...trying to have my posts be less discombobulated and more in chronological order....as of now anyway lol
~NT
...trying to have my posts be less discombobulated and more in chronological order....as of now anyway lol
~NT
Duel... (TBC)
1. [stay tuned for the "poetry" version of the "He.Demands." short story]
2. [ahhhh i've been requested to perform somewhere very important, very public, & very full of love..gonna have to pull out a major love ballad...*searches for muse*]
3. [i know i took a recent poem down...i wasn't satisfied so watch out for the re-edited version]
TBC (to be continued)....GOOD NIGHT
2/12
2. [ahhhh i've been requested to perform somewhere very important, very public, & very full of love..gonna have to pull out a major love ballad...*searches for muse*]
3. [i know i took a recent poem down...i wasn't satisfied so watch out for the re-edited version]
TBC (to be continued)....GOOD NIGHT
2/12
He Demands... (short story)
Today He demands nothing else but my time.
A day to grow, hour to laugh,
A minute to cry, second to realize He'd give me his mind.
With no strings to pull if I minded Him back.
He'd again entrust his heart fully attached if I gave my time.
Once He demanded my wishes of the vague and unknowing future.
The innocence in me wanted to tell
"some type of wagered war would suffice. opportunity to be wounded by tactics of intelligence. chance for true surrender. vulnerability. treaty of similar hearts that'll conscribe fantasies immune to negativity. foreign affairs. or defeat."
But the unfairly learned that was my reality rough drafted nothing short of an alliance.
Like a soldier properly trained to use visceral senses my internal battle was made superficial.
Yesterday He demanded I tell the fear that served my restraint.
As I thought "I don't know you, yet you've run with my heart",
I ambiguously disclosed "you're foreign."
He demanded I fairly return His weapon of weakness.
Baffled I looked up and found clarity. I saw Him in the nude.
He spoke of my blindness to His surrendered heart moons ago.
Each time I'd run away from Him, it voluntarily ran away in sync.
He'd hoped I'd journey full circle and run toward Him when my self-contained war was over.
"But if you can't" He lowered my defenses "it might be fair if I ask back what I let you take."
Tomorrow, He'll request if I'll share my mind.
I'll demand He stay away.
This was not an alliance we could form.
I final drafted exile.
In my unfairly learned reality, I refute any truce that contracts me defenseless.
"If some many moons this was you heartless. I don't think I am ready to know you with."
~N.Tulliv.
(c) 02~12~2010
A day to grow, hour to laugh,
A minute to cry, second to realize He'd give me his mind.
With no strings to pull if I minded Him back.
He'd again entrust his heart fully attached if I gave my time.
Once He demanded my wishes of the vague and unknowing future.
The innocence in me wanted to tell
"some type of wagered war would suffice. opportunity to be wounded by tactics of intelligence. chance for true surrender. vulnerability. treaty of similar hearts that'll conscribe fantasies immune to negativity. foreign affairs. or defeat."
But the unfairly learned that was my reality rough drafted nothing short of an alliance.
Like a soldier properly trained to use visceral senses my internal battle was made superficial.
Yesterday He demanded I tell the fear that served my restraint.
As I thought "I don't know you, yet you've run with my heart",
I ambiguously disclosed "you're foreign."
He demanded I fairly return His weapon of weakness.
Baffled I looked up and found clarity. I saw Him in the nude.
He spoke of my blindness to His surrendered heart moons ago.
Each time I'd run away from Him, it voluntarily ran away in sync.
He'd hoped I'd journey full circle and run toward Him when my self-contained war was over.
"But if you can't" He lowered my defenses "it might be fair if I ask back what I let you take."
Tomorrow, He'll request if I'll share my mind.
I'll demand He stay away.
This was not an alliance we could form.
I final drafted exile.
In my unfairly learned reality, I refute any truce that contracts me defenseless.
"If some many moons this was you heartless. I don't think I am ready to know you with."
~N.Tulliv.
(c) 02~12~2010
Til You Come...
Surrender your fears
Give them to me
Let me battle that
Which you can't
Which forfeits us
Surrender your stones
Give them to me
I'll throw each
Past what you can't
Past what I see
Open your eyes
Point Them to me
Let me show me
Where you can't
Show me your soul
Open your heart
Make room for me
I'll tell without words
How you can't
Without me
Read me your mind
Speak my thoughts for me
Let's share secrets
Til I can't
Til you come...
(c)02-03-2010
Give them to me
Let me battle that
Which you can't
Which forfeits us
Surrender your stones
Give them to me
I'll throw each
Past what you can't
Past what I see
Open your eyes
Point Them to me
Let me show me
Where you can't
Show me your soul
Open your heart
Make room for me
I'll tell without words
How you can't
Without me
Read me your mind
Speak my thoughts for me
Let's share secrets
Til I can't
Til you come...
(c)02-03-2010
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