12-02-09
So I can't tell you guys what's worse. Fantasizing about how interesting a person would be or learning they are that interesting. Both light a scorcher of a fire to your insides. It turns into this feedback loop. The heat rushes your brain and that sends out even more signals and ignites your pleasurables :). OK now that might not make any sense but hey, it's 3:30 am and a danger fire ablazes me lol.
Let's backtrack:
Scenario 1: scrolls thru Facebook with mutual friends and life comes to a halt when, a dare I say, immaculate figure X stares us back. It was the funniest thing how a picture could choke your speech and disorient your thoughts. What made it so grand was the locks of heaven that individually swung high to the wind. ::sigh::
Scenario 2: meet said X months maybe years later...a sight to see but that breathtaker that was scenario 1 defeats this scene....until danger becomes dangerous. Under the influence and under attraction---flirting commences. innocent. but flirting nonetheless.
Scenario 3: flirting continues and boils and boils. subsides. then boils whenever communication occurs. it becomes quite laboring. the thoughts held for X become a full time tenant. the interesting demeanor and blogging of X makes it worse.
Scenario 4: all hell breaks loose. X and I venture on a date...and life as it was known ends from there...X holds up to the fame. X tempts I...X sees thru I...so I did like any mere mortal and I retreated...
Time Capsule (class of 2006)
Imagine.
Turning back the clock hands that still tick away into the future. To remember a past so bright. A past so vivid. A past so congested. Running round, doing plenty, feeling good in a world filled with memories of tomorrow’s past. Wow! The feeling of accomplishment is sweeter than kool-aid. A life just as oxymoronically bittersweet as that freshly chilled lemonade you anxiously waited to make and sit back and sip in the baskings of your success. Sit back and share in the noisy pictures of the time capsuled smile you have strived for. Hearing this profound giggle filled with tears. With excitement. With reminiscent triumph. Every vault of a life that was, is sealing shut with only a distant flicker. A distant light. A light that will always burn and illuminate. An audience no more. A stage bare. A muted mic. A curtain left without entrance. Just an echo of the footprints left from each leap. Each pirouette. Each catch turn. Canned heat drifts away with this performer’s exit into a door embroidered future. Passing the walls marked by captured moments. Saying goodnite and go. Taking a deep breath as the chords we played crescendos and speeds up to match the ticking hand of time that is ready to explode into another world of turntables. Another chance. A time capsule. Another life. A commencement. Another farewell.
Imagine.
(c) june 2006
Turning back the clock hands that still tick away into the future. To remember a past so bright. A past so vivid. A past so congested. Running round, doing plenty, feeling good in a world filled with memories of tomorrow’s past. Wow! The feeling of accomplishment is sweeter than kool-aid. A life just as oxymoronically bittersweet as that freshly chilled lemonade you anxiously waited to make and sit back and sip in the baskings of your success. Sit back and share in the noisy pictures of the time capsuled smile you have strived for. Hearing this profound giggle filled with tears. With excitement. With reminiscent triumph. Every vault of a life that was, is sealing shut with only a distant flicker. A distant light. A light that will always burn and illuminate. An audience no more. A stage bare. A muted mic. A curtain left without entrance. Just an echo of the footprints left from each leap. Each pirouette. Each catch turn. Canned heat drifts away with this performer’s exit into a door embroidered future. Passing the walls marked by captured moments. Saying goodnite and go. Taking a deep breath as the chords we played crescendos and speeds up to match the ticking hand of time that is ready to explode into another world of turntables. Another chance. A time capsule. Another life. A commencement. Another farewell.
Imagine.
(c) june 2006
On A TurnWorlded Table
[non-rhyme version]
In a turntabled world we look not to rise but persecute ourselves in an internal monologue, delivered ironically by the population minus you. On a table turnworlded we look to seek and find our weaknesses and defeats to solely jeopardize our positive mind and submerge our power under a blanket of guilt and repression. Our world laid on a table with unsteady legs of thoughts and mistakes carved deep within our wood. Grain-by-grain. Chip-by-chip. Never trying to overcome our cerebral battle documented in that long term memory that steals our essence in the short term. Yet steadily sulking in the cryptic frame that we can't so we won't, we shouldn't so we can't. And as the cyclic depression winds over our heads, we sit still to never advance while watching the molasses run us by. Take yourself first outside of the equation and disorder of operation the many wounds that form the expression you have yet to solve. In the end, solely left with your Self as the variable, start your life and live it unabridged and without surrender. Stop and realize the many faults of our familiarhood. We look on the surface for an answer that doesn’t exist forming an ideology of definitions all the while defining nothing within ourselves. Never reading the latent ridges and details enspaced in the corners of our being. Never wiping down the table and finding another path. Yet frequently frowning at the first disappointment and believing we can’t so we won’t, we shouldn’t so we can’t. The walls around us reach out in aid and guidance to our expression but quickly turning each corner and trailing through a hallway, we miss solutions and comfort at our side. Especially the Creator’s. Repeating the same course of actions without the presence of change or lesson learned, we expect a different outcome. Something other than defeat. Instinctively, using the population as a guide to one soul and never seeing the unique attribute provided to you by the Creator, we miss the strength in our private stride and exclusive beat in our hearts. In a turntabled world we look to seek and find instant gratification and missing the subtle smiles behind a subtle gesture or small step. Leaping for the next step without looking down and losing conscious knowledge of how hard to leap, reach, and land. Never believing in the power and strength we possess, we let our world slip from our grasp and into the race of molasses that run us by. Find your plan, find your strength, draw your map outside this turntabled world and tack it with nails of stone on a turnworlded table.
©04-18-2006
In a turntabled world we look not to rise but persecute ourselves in an internal monologue, delivered ironically by the population minus you. On a table turnworlded we look to seek and find our weaknesses and defeats to solely jeopardize our positive mind and submerge our power under a blanket of guilt and repression. Our world laid on a table with unsteady legs of thoughts and mistakes carved deep within our wood. Grain-by-grain. Chip-by-chip. Never trying to overcome our cerebral battle documented in that long term memory that steals our essence in the short term. Yet steadily sulking in the cryptic frame that we can't so we won't, we shouldn't so we can't. And as the cyclic depression winds over our heads, we sit still to never advance while watching the molasses run us by. Take yourself first outside of the equation and disorder of operation the many wounds that form the expression you have yet to solve. In the end, solely left with your Self as the variable, start your life and live it unabridged and without surrender. Stop and realize the many faults of our familiarhood. We look on the surface for an answer that doesn’t exist forming an ideology of definitions all the while defining nothing within ourselves. Never reading the latent ridges and details enspaced in the corners of our being. Never wiping down the table and finding another path. Yet frequently frowning at the first disappointment and believing we can’t so we won’t, we shouldn’t so we can’t. The walls around us reach out in aid and guidance to our expression but quickly turning each corner and trailing through a hallway, we miss solutions and comfort at our side. Especially the Creator’s. Repeating the same course of actions without the presence of change or lesson learned, we expect a different outcome. Something other than defeat. Instinctively, using the population as a guide to one soul and never seeing the unique attribute provided to you by the Creator, we miss the strength in our private stride and exclusive beat in our hearts. In a turntabled world we look to seek and find instant gratification and missing the subtle smiles behind a subtle gesture or small step. Leaping for the next step without looking down and losing conscious knowledge of how hard to leap, reach, and land. Never believing in the power and strength we possess, we let our world slip from our grasp and into the race of molasses that run us by. Find your plan, find your strength, draw your map outside this turntabled world and tack it with nails of stone on a turnworlded table.
©04-18-2006
Outsider (Sonnet)
In this dark world I feel unseen, unknown.
Constantly defined but misunderstood.
My story untold and I’m left alone.
In a world of gray shades, up to no good.
Trying to find the root of my outcast.
Realizing I give none for one to take.
Keeping y’all out and locking up my past.
I am the pollution of my own lake.
Never accepted in this “melting pot”.
And yet never putting myself out there.
My own fault for not breathing in the plot.
And your own fault for not seeking my air.
Look for me and I will try to look back.
No longer running against your set track.
(c) March 22, 2006
Constantly defined but misunderstood.
My story untold and I’m left alone.
In a world of gray shades, up to no good.
Trying to find the root of my outcast.
Realizing I give none for one to take.
Keeping y’all out and locking up my past.
I am the pollution of my own lake.
Never accepted in this “melting pot”.
And yet never putting myself out there.
My own fault for not breathing in the plot.
And your own fault for not seeking my air.
Look for me and I will try to look back.
No longer running against your set track.
(c) March 22, 2006
ALL ABOARD: [MEMO.to.My.SeekeR]
“Dear fellow traveler on the I-on-I soul express. Be that one person who wants to make love to this pure innocent soul. Make love to me in the deepest way possible. Just send me a gaze, a soft whisper, ignite a spark. Trip me into a warm shiver and lead me into refuge filled in trance, lighting my dark. Respect my purity and come against with sweet intentions. Escape my mind and body of ridicul-ty and yet submerge me with twinkling notions, velvet kisses, subtle touches, and a blanket of devotion. Release thy compassion and send me Love fondled for two. Only meant for my pure sweetheart essence. Only understood between our duo. Only felt by just us two. Make love to me right. Without a single physical gesture. Without a breath of expectations. Without a cloud of ending. But with double telepathic intensity. With many jagged breaths spontaneously in-sync. With clear skies and stars of repeated happy beginnings. Make love `tween us right. And then sexplore me with your understanding. Thank you. Signed eagerly yet respectfully. ”
©04/11/2006~
©04/11/2006~
Book Concept (yippee)
[So I'm working on publishing some books in the future. I've layed out 3 book concepts. Below is the 1st. Tentatively called "Trapped". It's going to be my baby. my autobiography in the fictional sense. so shhh. lol]...here's a snippet of the 1st page and the outline...what do you think???
"Trapped"
Dedicated to history (the past, present, and future) of love.
You ever tell yourself every time you wouldn’t fall for the game that was the opposite sex. You thought you learned from the times before and had a radar for lines, game, and that too good to be true. Yeah so did I. This is my story in love. I never regretted love for it taught me many lessons. Love was my chameleon. camouflaged in quicksand. But whether good love or bad love I never escaped the trap.
Chapter 1 my first love
Chapter 2 my real first love
Chapter 3 my knight in tarnished armor
Chapter 4 my unexpected
Chapter 5 my him
Chapter 6 trapped
...as of 08-03-09...hopefully I can keep at it... :)
"Trapped"
Dedicated to history (the past, present, and future) of love.
You ever tell yourself every time you wouldn’t fall for the game that was the opposite sex. You thought you learned from the times before and had a radar for lines, game, and that too good to be true. Yeah so did I. This is my story in love. I never regretted love for it taught me many lessons. Love was my chameleon. camouflaged in quicksand. But whether good love or bad love I never escaped the trap.
Chapter 1 my first love
Chapter 2 my real first love
Chapter 3 my knight in tarnished armor
Chapter 4 my unexpected
Chapter 5 my him
Chapter 6 trapped
...as of 08-03-09...hopefully I can keep at it... :)
“Dímelo”
Dímelo, Dímelo…que tú quieres con yo. Qué tú quieres con mí, con su vida…todo. ¿Qué debo hacer, debo decir, debo ver? ¿Qué puedo controlar, puedo ayudar, puedo escapar?
Busca a yo y decide que haces. Decide el mejor y decide la verdad. Sus acciones me matando, me destruyendo, me confundiendo..
Escucha… MIRA… Aprenda… Acepta… CAMBIA… y sale. Porque eres culpable… ignorante y perdido. Soy un testigo de su crimen… su lucha… sus intenciones, sus fallos, y sus equivocaciones. No puedes continuar a asesinato a mí identidad.
Dímelo, Dímelo como puedo encontrado mí mente, mí corazón, mí soledad.
Ayúdame porque necesito fuerte, necesito yo, necesito vida… necesito todo.
No sé nadie… no se hoy… ayer… mañana… A nunca lo sé. Lo siento.
Ya espero y ahora solamente pienso… ¡Ojala!… ¡YA VES!
¿ME CONOCES? ¿ME ENTIENDES?
©03/01/2006
Busca a yo y decide que haces. Decide el mejor y decide la verdad. Sus acciones me matando, me destruyendo, me confundiendo..
Escucha… MIRA… Aprenda… Acepta… CAMBIA… y sale. Porque eres culpable… ignorante y perdido. Soy un testigo de su crimen… su lucha… sus intenciones, sus fallos, y sus equivocaciones. No puedes continuar a asesinato a mí identidad.
Dímelo, Dímelo como puedo encontrado mí mente, mí corazón, mí soledad.
Ayúdame porque necesito fuerte, necesito yo, necesito vida… necesito todo.
No sé nadie… no se hoy… ayer… mañana… A nunca lo sé. Lo siento.
Ya espero y ahora solamente pienso… ¡Ojala!… ¡YA VES!
¿ME CONOCES? ¿ME ENTIENDES?
©03/01/2006
Jones'n (Work Break)
It was a Monday afternoon.
On my break from work.
Stood in the snow.
Watchin the sun hide behind the clouds.
The people passed me by.
I took it slow,
As they hurriedly began their weeks.
I had nowhere to go.
No real urge to rush.
Had no real destination.
I walked up to the window of the camouflaged little shop on the corner.
Noticed your glow.
Your gaze.
Your smile caught my attention.
Consumed my eternity.
Trying to hide my reflection,
I followed your moves.
And left myself naked.
Divinity in your motions and
The goddess in my head wanted to yell something sacred.
But my lips parted and silent air escaped.
Excuse me but can I have my breath?
Can I regain focus?
If you don’t mind,
Stop doing what you do.
No I’m pretending
Got 8 minutes left on my break.
And that’s enough.
So hey how are you?
Selfish motivations sat me down.
And hosted me to your world.
Ordered the special.
didn’t know what it was.
But I knew you’d have to tell me.
If you could read my thoughts,
You’d speak slow baby.
We’re in no rush.
You asked me if I wanted anything else.
And I silently told you your touch.
Excuse me can I have my breath?
Can I regain focus?
If you don’t mind,
Stop doing what you do.
No I’m pretending,
Got 3 minutes left on my break.
And that’s enough!
So what you into?
Felt obligated to see you again.
So I wrote my number on the check.
didn’t leave my name.
I wasn’t that bold, yet.
You told me to come again.
I responded I would.
If only you knew for something else.
I extended my rear on the way out and
I whispered, by the way i'm---.
But you went about your day.
Knowing you couldn't hear my labored breath,
I still didn’t find the focus to say,
I’m off tomorrow.
So if you don’t mind,
stop doing what you do.
I can’t keep pretending.
I will have all day left.
Will you take your break,
And let me love you?
(c) Aug 2009
On my break from work.
Stood in the snow.
Watchin the sun hide behind the clouds.
The people passed me by.
I took it slow,
As they hurriedly began their weeks.
I had nowhere to go.
No real urge to rush.
Had no real destination.
I walked up to the window of the camouflaged little shop on the corner.
Noticed your glow.
Your gaze.
Your smile caught my attention.
Consumed my eternity.
Trying to hide my reflection,
I followed your moves.
And left myself naked.
Divinity in your motions and
The goddess in my head wanted to yell something sacred.
But my lips parted and silent air escaped.
Excuse me but can I have my breath?
Can I regain focus?
If you don’t mind,
Stop doing what you do.
No I’m pretending
Got 8 minutes left on my break.
And that’s enough.
So hey how are you?
Selfish motivations sat me down.
And hosted me to your world.
Ordered the special.
didn’t know what it was.
But I knew you’d have to tell me.
If you could read my thoughts,
You’d speak slow baby.
We’re in no rush.
You asked me if I wanted anything else.
And I silently told you your touch.
Excuse me can I have my breath?
Can I regain focus?
If you don’t mind,
Stop doing what you do.
No I’m pretending,
Got 3 minutes left on my break.
And that’s enough!
So what you into?
Felt obligated to see you again.
So I wrote my number on the check.
didn’t leave my name.
I wasn’t that bold, yet.
You told me to come again.
I responded I would.
If only you knew for something else.
I extended my rear on the way out and
I whispered, by the way i'm---.
But you went about your day.
Knowing you couldn't hear my labored breath,
I still didn’t find the focus to say,
I’m off tomorrow.
So if you don’t mind,
stop doing what you do.
I can’t keep pretending.
I will have all day left.
Will you take your break,
And let me love you?
(c) Aug 2009
Letter to my 1st...
Lately I been ignoring the sandman.
Thinking of you and when you’d get here.
What it’s gonna be like, how I’ll feel.
Situations changed.
That forever love.
You’re the only one.
I can count on you.
you can count on me.
I’ll always be there.
Always provide.
Short & simple,
A quick letter.
But you were conceived in love,
With hope.
Signed...Mom
(c) May 2009
Thinking of you and when you’d get here.
What it’s gonna be like, how I’ll feel.
Situations changed.
That forever love.
You’re the only one.
I can count on you.
you can count on me.
I’ll always be there.
Always provide.
Short & simple,
A quick letter.
But you were conceived in love,
With hope.
Signed...Mom
(c) May 2009
S’iL Suffisait [is it enough]
Frantically and impatiently we spin around this world, just us against the orbit. Traveling sometimes in-sync, but counter-clockwise with the rest, hoping to mold and fold into FREEALITY. Love steals what you can not see and divulges it into imbalanced, ECLECTIC, hi-definitive emotions. Realizing you can’t find what lingers to be lost or save those that stress to be abandoned and forsaken, you ascertain a forfeital and give-in to feat. It’s easy as all knowing to walk around with blinders on and not notice the sacrifices people are making for you. But it’s even EASIER to NOTICE and feel like you owe two bouts of gratitude and you must put those sacrifices before your sanity, your thinking, and before your progression. But at the end of the day, grasp that you are the last one to look at yourself in the mirror, the last one to think about yourself, and the last one to judge. So why are any and every one’s reactions and judgments but YOURS the first to matter in the morning? Where do you come-in in your own world? Is this y-o-THEM or y-o-U?? The shutters on the world are strictly meant to shut her, constrain him, and dissect us… So when you feel you are upside down, outside in, 2 steps back, and 6 doors down, is it enough to just be content? Is it enough to just fill the room? Is it enough to speak...feel...sense??
Is it?
©03/05/2005
Is it?
©03/05/2005
HeWRAPPEDHer
Brown skin.
No my bad, CARAMEL skin.
... In your pretty caramel skin
I want to UNWIND, INTERTWINE deep in.
Take control of this thing I call pretty
I call sweet temptation
but answered forbidden
answered wicked
and given grief
given hate
for pretty caramel skin.
Never meant to hang up
give up.
But I'm given no choice
in this dystopic REALITY of
unfortunate and “blocking” circumstances.
I can’t acknowledge your pretty caramel skin.
Yeah, Go on and just light up my face
my space
my whole haven is yours.
I just want to succumb into
... pretty caramel skin.
I’ll take that shower of
... pretty caramel skin.
Take me from my natural high
and help me rise to that
state of understanding
we both know is too good
too sweet
too hot
too wet
too ...
pretty caramel skin.
Lighten up my face
... pretty
With sweet conversations of no words
... caramel
That keep me six feet under and twelve feet higher
... skin.
Can we lust? Can we feel? Can we just BE?
... pretty caramel skins.
... Slipping deep.
... A passion
of warmth and care.
... Definition
of greater heights.
... More than expressable.
... Just going
head over pretty’s crowded cliff of bliss.
... Feeling
fluid moves smoothed into
whole
unfolding
magic
behind the caramel.
... More than enough.
... More than a rush.
... More than
my knowing
my skin.
... Never experienced but never unwilling
To be...
Pretty CARAMEL skins.
(c)12-5-2005
No my bad, CARAMEL skin.
... In your pretty caramel skin
I want to UNWIND, INTERTWINE deep in.
Take control of this thing I call pretty
I call sweet temptation
but answered forbidden
answered wicked
and given grief
given hate
for pretty caramel skin.
Never meant to hang up
give up.
But I'm given no choice
in this dystopic REALITY of
unfortunate and “blocking” circumstances.
I can’t acknowledge your pretty caramel skin.
Yeah, Go on and just light up my face
my space
my whole haven is yours.
I just want to succumb into
... pretty caramel skin.
I’ll take that shower of
... pretty caramel skin.
Take me from my natural high
and help me rise to that
state of understanding
we both know is too good
too sweet
too hot
too wet
too ...
pretty caramel skin.
Lighten up my face
... pretty
With sweet conversations of no words
... caramel
That keep me six feet under and twelve feet higher
... skin.
Can we lust? Can we feel? Can we just BE?
... pretty caramel skins.
... Slipping deep.
... A passion
of warmth and care.
... Definition
of greater heights.
... More than expressable.
... Just going
head over pretty’s crowded cliff of bliss.
... Feeling
fluid moves smoothed into
whole
unfolding
magic
behind the caramel.
... More than enough.
... More than a rush.
... More than
my knowing
my skin.
... Never experienced but never unwilling
To be...
Pretty CARAMEL skins.
(c)12-5-2005
My Light
MY LIGHT
Searching for _
To find my own fate.
My own destiny.
Standing under _
Awaiting my own answer.
My own reprise.
Putting faith within _
To be my own being.
My own mind.
And Using _
Yours, Mine, and Ours.
To showcase my own talent.
My own creativity
Knowing my own success.
In owning ____[My Light].
(c) 03/28/2006
Searching for _
To find my own fate.
My own destiny.
Standing under _
Awaiting my own answer.
My own reprise.
Putting faith within _
To be my own being.
My own mind.
And Using _
Yours, Mine, and Ours.
To showcase my own talent.
My own creativity
Knowing my own success.
In owning ____[My Light].
(c) 03/28/2006
Papillion d’Amande [almond butterfly]
“Falling are me and my leaves. The days, shorter. Which retain My body and my voice. I wanted to tell you. That I love you. Like a cocoon, I and our LOVE is waking up. To the only perfumes. To the only sounds. To the only vision. Of your effervescent presence. I'm waiting for. Waiting, yeah just waiting. Wishing to be enveloped in your chest. I can only be me and we can only be I. Suddenly there are no more clouds outside and I have found an answer within. I’m living on your edge and without you I’d go crazy in a loveless prison. Only I can set my destiny but you can destine yourself to want to share my journey. Our souls can be expressed in flight and on the same runway. Your illmatic jig-saw heart fits mine and together they have double-dutched on the same rhythm. Deep in. Yeah just deep in my dreams. I wanted to tell you. That I love you. Often when my eyes light up for a long time it’s because you are camped out in my heart. Long love I'm caught in the way of your sight, which weakens my speech and unfocuses my stare. If it’s quite alright let me look at your colorful self. Let me watch you sleep. Let me sense your pretty words with each flutter. You keep me beautiful. Falling are me and my leaves into your arms, into your breath. On your white promises I answer. Warm nights and solemnitude and instant gratification nibble at me. Not seeing a trap but a closed box of just you and I, bursting at the seams waiting to explode off the love train and into our own vehicle of emotions. I’m dancing with. Dancing, yeah just dancing. Butterfly hoping. For just a little light. A little of your soul. Every breath, every cramp, every twitch ,look back and don’t forget this. I wanted to tell you. I love you. To dry out my colors. To the fire of your desires. Long lasting butterfly. With wings of crystal glass. But a heart of bronzed love. Lover of the wires of your secrets. I imagine myself. Sometimes. Drinking. The honey of your words. To open myself. And leave this ground where I laid myself under a negative rock. This new world. This new feeling. All seem so beautiful. From the top of your shoulders. So high is my fever. And I fly. For you. With you. So soft are your wings. I lost the words. I would like to tell you. But I'm pretty sure it resonated on how much I love you. Long loved Butterfly hoping. For just a little light. A little of your light. To dry out my colors. To the fire of your desires. With wings of gold now. Unbreakable. Feeling your synergy. Night after night. And we’ll lay one night knowing we’re getting better. You want to pick me up and be so good to me. Lover of the wires of your world. All the while you need to know, I’m here to help you through. You are my pilot but I'd love to fly with you. I really need to tell you. I LOVE YOU. Because finally I can imagine me. Being strong. Being yours. Being in love. With the only words I know how to express, I desire you. Its stronger than that. Your my blessed sacrament. My gifted wing. My 360. My heartbeat. .Yeah.I.really.needed.to.tell.you.
©03/15/06
©03/15/06
GOODNITE & GO
The song that resonated in my ear, clear, speaking soft, sweet but weighted lyrics, helped me to rediscover the power of transcendence, of metamorphosis, of maturity. We come to that milestone reaching our peak and we dive down the cliff in search of a new journey. A fracture of mind. Of soul, of experience - to put on our time-capsuled quilt of memories. Breaking through walls we had built while growing, we now enter a new phase, a new face. A newborn. Eyes closed to the next, refocusing on the counterparts and ears re-tuning to the simple but tale-telling breeze the world blows us by. Going to speak but nothing to say. Only a song so strong can captivate our audience. Only a dance too rich in which will leave them lock-jawed. Say goodnite and go and believe in the path we soon set for the offspring we made and are sending out in search of a new. A difference. An experience. Solely a white-washed, paradoxical phrase -goodnite and go- could establish the journey we will embark to discover. With one chapter ending you must go on to the next until your storybooked life is complete. Say goodnite to this chapter. Seal all the fond memories. All the heartaches. All the struggles. All the smiles. All the laughs. All the tears. All the anger. All the innocence. And all the while- all the while longer, come to the next stop. And be ready to go. Ready to blaze. Go and explore. And love. Hurt. And digress. Only to overcome. Overachieve. Believe. And make a life. Statued in your heart standing tall as a monument of where you’ve been and where you’ve gone. What you’ll do and what you’ll become. Future- that’s what sets the sparkle in your eye. Promise- that’s the beat in your heart. Success- that’s what you’ll hear in two-point-five. Simply put- life’s too short for a success this tall and forthcoming. Say goodbye but remember the old and HeLLo and welcome the new. In a time to learn, to affect, to grow … SAY GOODNITE & GO …
(c) 05/30/2006
(c) 05/30/2006
Prototype
"Some may wonder on love. wonder on him. just plain ol' sit there and deliberate on who he is and when he's coming? what he'll do and how we'll be? never knowing just exactly how fate will justify his approach, you never know what you're waiting for. let alone what you want. sometimes you're just taking aback by the small stuff, by the flutters, by the soft-spoken shouts he sends your way. what's real? what's you? and where's him? do you look left and step right...just to bump into a soul that sweeps you unknowingly off your toes. not by his vernacular. and most certainly not by his looks. but by his presence. sending off a signal you later find out is a story wrapped in itself. you later find out is a quest your sent to discover as you slowly discover yourself. slowly changing. slowly adapting. slowly falling. tripping into an undefined emotion. and undefined circumstance. who knows when what we wonder will become truth or just merely a means. a means to which the serendipitous end makes your eclectic being that one definition. makes you his "one". makes him your "type". makes this LOVE."
So yes, sometimes i sit and wonder. wonder what went wrong in life. wonder where lies the definition of true love. i have only found the answer to be there is no definition but a plethora of descriptions. descriptions filled with so many emotions. how can i know when i find him if i don't know what i'm looking to feel? i don't have that answer so i just settle by defining what im looking for in him. but i hope he knows i'm WAITING to be in that zone in 2.5 --> JUST WAITING!
MY TYPE----
"the "one" is someone who makes me want to change my ways. my type is that guy who makes me ask questions about him and want to find the answer to...he's gotta be a confident dude...and he's gotta argue, just as strongly if not stronger than me, he's gotta know when and how to listen to me and BE there for me when I need it because i tend to take the role of "being there for everyone else" so he's gotta be able to know how and when to be there for me...he's gotta have good memory and be able to remember small details that i talk about so that he can get me that present that i mentioned that i wanted months ago...or he can bring up a memory i shared in a sweet card that he makes me just because he felt like it one day. he's gotta stimulate me mentally and he's gotta be patient. and not overwhelming. he's gotta make me feel comfortable, secure, safe...like whenever i'm with him, no-one or nothing can bring me down or tear me from the happiness i feel when i'm with him...and he's gotta make me feel like i'm important to him"
(c) Dec 2006
So yes, sometimes i sit and wonder. wonder what went wrong in life. wonder where lies the definition of true love. i have only found the answer to be there is no definition but a plethora of descriptions. descriptions filled with so many emotions. how can i know when i find him if i don't know what i'm looking to feel? i don't have that answer so i just settle by defining what im looking for in him. but i hope he knows i'm WAITING to be in that zone in 2.5 --> JUST WAITING!
MY TYPE----
"the "one" is someone who makes me want to change my ways. my type is that guy who makes me ask questions about him and want to find the answer to...he's gotta be a confident dude...and he's gotta argue, just as strongly if not stronger than me, he's gotta know when and how to listen to me and BE there for me when I need it because i tend to take the role of "being there for everyone else" so he's gotta be able to know how and when to be there for me...he's gotta have good memory and be able to remember small details that i talk about so that he can get me that present that i mentioned that i wanted months ago...or he can bring up a memory i shared in a sweet card that he makes me just because he felt like it one day. he's gotta stimulate me mentally and he's gotta be patient. and not overwhelming. he's gotta make me feel comfortable, secure, safe...like whenever i'm with him, no-one or nothing can bring me down or tear me from the happiness i feel when i'm with him...and he's gotta make me feel like i'm important to him"
(c) Dec 2006
Paranormal
It’s wanting to exist. Wanting to live because some unknown life form formed life within you and wholeheartedly became your second creator. Without effort that soul genuinely rocked you out of a sustained somber into spells of ceaseless, incessant addiction. Hooked onto a smile ever glazing ever blazing, a fiery arousal triggers sensation to ancient burials. A simple touch overshadowed inhibitions, intuitions, brazenly even, inquisitions. Time just carried on, flowed to occurrence, and yearning hearts eclipsed vigilant pupils into constriction and obstruction. Lying abstractly under the influence, impaired by luminous subterranean stares; intoxicated by sweet aromas of intertwining perspirations; deeply infatuated by deafening whispers breathing cool contradictions to perceptions prior. Silk canopy soaking in melodies sung out to a world shackled beneath oblivion. Naïveté hearts made cognizant of the possible “beyond”. Walls of “beyond” crumbled revealing euphoric tantrism. Captured energies syncopated to mutual understanding of existence thru some unknown life halting confusions instantaneously. Slowly creating friction reaching dangerous zones craving mysticism in motion. The darkness of passionfruit desires consumes paranormal bellows bitten into pillows of emotions. Convictions poured past points of no return pounding readily in vain. A power outage. The end? Still yet high watt climatic voltages storm from some unknown life forecasting intrigue and unraveling intense harmonies leaving the diaphragm, entering the hearteries. Needed to happen 2wice to comprehend it for 1nce. Pretending self-possessed equanimity whilst insides bump tremulously wanting to exist. Wanting to live because some unknown life form formed life within you and wholeheartedly became your FIRST creator."
(c) April 2008
(c) April 2008
Interlude - Let Me Have You
We laid intertwined in passion and in your presence I felt refuge. Then you whispered those words in my ear. “Let me have you”. You asked what makes me happy. Because you wanted to be my only. The only to make me happy. The only to evoke my most extreme emotions. Let me have you. Those words rung in my ears deeper than anything you’d ever said before. You wanted me to start my heart all over. Forget anything in the past because you believed our future would make for the best memories to keep. As we lay I’m speechless. Forgive me, for I am not used to such sincerity. My lack of words are nowhere near a lack of love my dear. I wanted to scream you could have me whenever wherever whatever. But I was shocked I could be this fortunate. You painted a vision so clear to me of how love’s supposed to be and yet I was confused. Broken by heartache and disappointment you were foreign to me at that point in time. I wanted to understand you because you clearly understood me. You filled me with what I needed most. Security. You gave to me and I wanted to give back. Let you have me. Have me pure without reservations. As you do every time, you understood all the words I didn’t speak and held me closer. You had me. You then realized you were what makes me happy. You were my only. Those silent words rung deep in your ears that I needed to say nothing else. I wanted to start this all over. Travel back intertwined and feel this feeling a thousand times. I forgot anything else and believed in you. Believed in us. You had me. As we lay silently my heart heard you loud and clear. All the words we didn’t say let me know you were screaming back. You became native and I too had you.
(c) Aug 2009
(c) Aug 2009
LOVE (maybe one day)
Love.
There was a time when I thought I knew who you were love.
Til I didn’t recognize you when you came love.
Maybe one day you’ll take off your mask.
For I am not your nemesis.
I look to unveil you not for exploitation but for better understanding love.
Should you discover me discovering you, retreat from hiding and let me know you pure love.
You found me once in a dream and touched me in areas I never knew.
Left me butterfly kisses in the early morning that made me see stars amidst the sunrise.
You clouded my judgment yet appeared like a soft rainbow in clear skies love.
Maybe one day you’ll discover my intentions are true love.
Share your story with me and alternate my ending.
Bring me a sign carved in the shape of a man.
A man that brings me immortality and makes me invincible to heartbreak love.
Maybe one day you’ll lock eyes with me love.
And when I feel your presence, make my desire for you a vital necessity.
When I feel your presence let me feel you for a lifetime.
Let me recognize you and learn your meaning love.
Just come again for I am ready love.
(c) july 2009
There was a time when I thought I knew who you were love.
Til I didn’t recognize you when you came love.
Maybe one day you’ll take off your mask.
For I am not your nemesis.
I look to unveil you not for exploitation but for better understanding love.
Should you discover me discovering you, retreat from hiding and let me know you pure love.
You found me once in a dream and touched me in areas I never knew.
Left me butterfly kisses in the early morning that made me see stars amidst the sunrise.
You clouded my judgment yet appeared like a soft rainbow in clear skies love.
Maybe one day you’ll discover my intentions are true love.
Share your story with me and alternate my ending.
Bring me a sign carved in the shape of a man.
A man that brings me immortality and makes me invincible to heartbreak love.
Maybe one day you’ll lock eyes with me love.
And when I feel your presence, make my desire for you a vital necessity.
When I feel your presence let me feel you for a lifetime.
Let me recognize you and learn your meaning love.
Just come again for I am ready love.
(c) july 2009
Studio (Hey Mr DJ)
And so I came home tonight wishing I could drive back 5hours
Just to feel your touch. Your face.
Inhale your you. Or trace…
My fingertips on your rich skin,
That I swear within contains the silkiest oils in every pore. Im sure.
No, Certain I could ride the interstate to your highway
If it meant one more time. One more climb.
Up the stairs to your heaven.
Yes, that serene calm place you take me to.
That meadowland in the outskirts of the country you lead me thru.
It’s the only time I can trust myself to let go and run wild.
With you just laughing and imagining. Completely, Am I me
Go 5 hours just for 5 minutes.
Still yet, I lay in bed with the silkiest sheets I can find
With hopes to mimic your presence. Effervescence. Embrace your feel.
I listened to my mind run aloud and replay every sound. You made.
You were the DJ, I was your mixer. Our track a mixture.
Of what could be and what is.
I am I because you be.
My aphrodisiac. Soul’s cognac.
You were the DJ, I was your table.
Our friction resonated a beat.
Every ounce of me unable to recompose that masterpiece alone.
I need your physical to resonate my spiritual. Your non-verbal dictation
Solo tonight, I pictured a harmony I could never perform without your studio.
I gotta jones bad for your space.
A jones that’ll travel 5 willing hours just to feel 5. If you will.
You can be the DJ.
So, can I return?
Pick up a mic and resurrect 5 senses?
Lay me a 5 minute track. Again, if you will.
Immersed in my silk reality,
I hope you can sense my fire to create music. One more time. One more rhyme.
Just emerge in me and let’s re-produce this song.
Lay it down right so that the drive back is just like tonight.
Filled with me anticipating our next session.
Until next time. One more climb. Up your haven.
I’ll girth you with my talent.
Show you, I too can be DJ and make you sing.
This chemistry we have and magic we create is the best performance I've felt in a long time.
Must be the silk.
Makes your touch when you scratch this surface different.
And hey Mr. DJ, let me tell you,
I ain’t mad at ya. :)
(c) 4/4/09
Just to feel your touch. Your face.
Inhale your you. Or trace…
My fingertips on your rich skin,
That I swear within contains the silkiest oils in every pore. Im sure.
No, Certain I could ride the interstate to your highway
If it meant one more time. One more climb.
Up the stairs to your heaven.
Yes, that serene calm place you take me to.
That meadowland in the outskirts of the country you lead me thru.
It’s the only time I can trust myself to let go and run wild.
With you just laughing and imagining. Completely, Am I me
Go 5 hours just for 5 minutes.
Still yet, I lay in bed with the silkiest sheets I can find
With hopes to mimic your presence. Effervescence. Embrace your feel.
I listened to my mind run aloud and replay every sound. You made.
You were the DJ, I was your mixer. Our track a mixture.
Of what could be and what is.
I am I because you be.
My aphrodisiac. Soul’s cognac.
You were the DJ, I was your table.
Our friction resonated a beat.
Every ounce of me unable to recompose that masterpiece alone.
I need your physical to resonate my spiritual. Your non-verbal dictation
Solo tonight, I pictured a harmony I could never perform without your studio.
I gotta jones bad for your space.
A jones that’ll travel 5 willing hours just to feel 5. If you will.
You can be the DJ.
So, can I return?
Pick up a mic and resurrect 5 senses?
Lay me a 5 minute track. Again, if you will.
Immersed in my silk reality,
I hope you can sense my fire to create music. One more time. One more rhyme.
Just emerge in me and let’s re-produce this song.
Lay it down right so that the drive back is just like tonight.
Filled with me anticipating our next session.
Until next time. One more climb. Up your haven.
I’ll girth you with my talent.
Show you, I too can be DJ and make you sing.
This chemistry we have and magic we create is the best performance I've felt in a long time.
Must be the silk.
Makes your touch when you scratch this surface different.
And hey Mr. DJ, let me tell you,
I ain’t mad at ya. :)
(c) 4/4/09
Too Late (I'm Tired)...[1st song I wrote]
I step foot into the door,
Went to inhale a scene I knew as home.
Caught a lungful of tension,
disputes we’ve pleaded in a different tone .
Couldn’t put my bags down,
without being attacked.
this gets old, day in, day out,
picked up my keys and turned right back.
Around, (cuz )
*CHORUS*
Im tired.
Because I cant fit your mold.
Im tired.
Of trying to walk your road.
Letting you know, Without a doubt
I can’t speak your words,
Live your life,
Be your servant,
Let me be your wife.
Too late cuz,
Im tired.
Did it yesterday,
We’ll probably do it tomorrow.
Today, I just want cuddle,
in peace, dim the lights low.
Searching for words to make you realize,
Tonight is not the time.
Wish I could read you my thoughts,
but you misplaced my mind.
I got so used to this,
I didn’t know I was lost.
Didn’t know we were missing,
Us almost gone.
(well)
I’m tired.
Because I cant fit your mold.
Im tired.
Of trying to walk your road.
Letting you know, Without a doubt
I can’t speak your words,
Live your life,
Be your servant,
Let me be your wife.
Too late cuz,
Im tired.
I had to get out of your chains.
I dunno where the love went.
Loyalty, compromise, and the rest of our vows.
We turned into rules and arrangement.
Can’t be victimized,
in a weak position anymore.
Lost my voice chasing a ghost,
Because one thing was sure.
I was arguing for us
And this fable called love,
But im tired
Obviously havin bright days aren’t enough.
For you, (and)
I’m tired.
Because I cant fit your mold.
Im tired.
Of trying to walk your road.
Letting you know, Without a doubt
I can’t speak your words,
Live your life,
Be your servant,
Let me be your wife.
Too late cuz,
Im tired
Some say u fight when it’s worth it.
But you just need it your way.
Lay me down a treaty and I’ll birth it.
But I can’t be mad night and day. (No more)
(so) I’m letting you know, Without a doubt
I can’t speak your words,
Live your life, (I’m tired)
Be your servant,
Let me be your wife, (I’m tired)
Too late (cuz),
I’m tired.
Of not fitting your mold.
Yes, I’m tired.
No more following your road.
Plain ol’ tired,
Can’t take it,
I’m tired--
Of loving alone
(c) 5/5/09
Went to inhale a scene I knew as home.
Caught a lungful of tension,
disputes we’ve pleaded in a different tone .
Couldn’t put my bags down,
without being attacked.
this gets old, day in, day out,
picked up my keys and turned right back.
Around, (cuz )
*CHORUS*
Im tired.
Because I cant fit your mold.
Im tired.
Of trying to walk your road.
Letting you know, Without a doubt
I can’t speak your words,
Live your life,
Be your servant,
Let me be your wife.
Too late cuz,
Im tired.
Did it yesterday,
We’ll probably do it tomorrow.
Today, I just want cuddle,
in peace, dim the lights low.
Searching for words to make you realize,
Tonight is not the time.
Wish I could read you my thoughts,
but you misplaced my mind.
I got so used to this,
I didn’t know I was lost.
Didn’t know we were missing,
Us almost gone.
(well)
I’m tired.
Because I cant fit your mold.
Im tired.
Of trying to walk your road.
Letting you know, Without a doubt
I can’t speak your words,
Live your life,
Be your servant,
Let me be your wife.
Too late cuz,
Im tired.
I had to get out of your chains.
I dunno where the love went.
Loyalty, compromise, and the rest of our vows.
We turned into rules and arrangement.
Can’t be victimized,
in a weak position anymore.
Lost my voice chasing a ghost,
Because one thing was sure.
I was arguing for us
And this fable called love,
But im tired
Obviously havin bright days aren’t enough.
For you, (and)
I’m tired.
Because I cant fit your mold.
Im tired.
Of trying to walk your road.
Letting you know, Without a doubt
I can’t speak your words,
Live your life,
Be your servant,
Let me be your wife.
Too late cuz,
Im tired
Some say u fight when it’s worth it.
But you just need it your way.
Lay me down a treaty and I’ll birth it.
But I can’t be mad night and day. (No more)
(so) I’m letting you know, Without a doubt
I can’t speak your words,
Live your life, (I’m tired)
Be your servant,
Let me be your wife, (I’m tired)
Too late (cuz),
I’m tired.
Of not fitting your mold.
Yes, I’m tired.
No more following your road.
Plain ol’ tired,
Can’t take it,
I’m tired--
Of loving alone
(c) 5/5/09
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)